Taking an Emotional Time Out

Hey there, and welcome back!

It’s been a minute since I did an emotional check in, and talked about some things on the topic of emotional intelligence. I have to say I haven’t been doing as many personal check-ins as I used to.

I used to take time to myself every day. I would go outside for a walk, journal, and listen to a podcast or youtube video about emotional intelligence to keep myself current, and reflective. It helped me so much. I even have some channels to recommend if you’re interested. Let me know!

Anyways, everything in my life has been shifted since I had my daughter. This is a fact of life that when you have a baby, your life changes. Duh! What I didn’t expect was how much further I would go into slacking on my self care.

I have always been an all or nothing type of person. When I am there for someone, I am all in. Of course, you want to be all in for your child. They need you, not just for the basics like food, sleep, and a diaper change, but for emotional needs, and growth in general. I’ve been dedicating all of my free time to researching things for the baby, shopping clothes for the baby, and anything else baby related. I get a little obsessive and into the rabbit hole. Which is easy to do when you are researching anything related to your child.

None of these things are inherently bad. It’s good to research, shop, and take care of your child. Its normal.

What I’ve been struggling with is finding the balance. Finding a way to work in my old habits, like podcasts, writing, and going on walks for myself. Now that I’ve gotten more used to the routine of being a mother. I have had some time to try and refocus on my needs.

PPD hit me really hard. So it made finding the light, and some normalcy seem impossible. I’ve slowly been crawling out of it, and finding my new normal.

I think it is important to note here that your life after becoming a new parent will never go back to the way that it was. It becomes a new way forward, a new normal, a new reality. I love being a mom, but I miss certain parts of myself.

None of this should come across as a negative to having a baby. We wanted her for 8 long years, before we were blessed with her. She is a wonderful addition to our family, and I am obsessed with her. This is more about finding the new balance. And remembering that my needs are important too.

Part of realizing I was important too, meant taking a time out on things and people that do not benefit my life.

I’ve been struggling so hard with trying to get people to like me who never will. Whether it was because of familial obligation, or trying to make new friends, etc. I try way too hard to impress people that are not my friends. It is literally insane.

Why do we do this?

Why do we try so hard, over and over and over again, no matter what the other person does? Why do we sacrifice our sacred energy and time on these things?

I recently was having a hard time with a multitude of situations. I was so angry, and emotional about them. All of these situations hitting me at once. It was a lot more than usual and a sort of culmination of the same issues I’ve been putting up with for years. I had enough. I told my husband I needed a break from it all. I needed space from certain people in my life. I needed time away from it.

It was that easy.

I didn’t need my husband’s permission. I didn’t need to overwhelm myself with this anger, and stress. I simply had to choose to let it all go.

I felt relieved. It is so simple and easy, so why do we complicate things? All I had to do was allow myself to disconnect from these negative situations.

Put items in an emotional time out. Put things on pause.

I am a firm believer in handling your shit. Take care of business. Deal with it, don’t let it sit.

But some things we put our energy into do not deserve it. So, put it on pause. I think for some reason I was feeling guilty about doing this. I felt obligated to solve the problem. When at the root, there is nothing I can do. When in actuality there was no problem for ME to solve anymore. I had done everything I possibly could.

There are times where we cannot physically do anything more than we have already done. When people have shown you that your efforts do not matter, let it go.

Our lives are so short, and what we choose to dedicate our time and energy to matters.

This isn’t to say that when things get overwhelming or too tough, to quit. What I mean to say here is that if it is overwhelming, too much, stressful, and filling you with anger, depression, and anxiety, and it is not BENEFICIAL TO YOUR LIFE, then.. LET IT GO. Put it on pause. If you have been spending so much time, probably years focused on “fixing” a situation and nothing is changing: STOP. Sit down and reevaluate.

What do you have to lose if you decide to pause?

If you’re like me and dedicating precious energy and time and it’s going nowhere? What do you have to lose by taking a step back?

Choosing to sit down for a moment, and reflect can make a world of difference.

I finally had to face some hard truths in order for me to let go:

1. They were never going to like me no matter what I did. Nothing would ever be good enough for these people.
2. I am enough, regardless of what they think, or how they treat me.
3. I am not obligated to sacrifice my happiness, time, or sacred energy to please others.

Do I have some FOMO? Of course. But its easy to have this fear of missing out, because FOMO makes you forget in that moment. It makes you forget the traumas you have experienced. It makes you forget how you were treated because in that moment it just looks like so much fun. Our brain can do some messed up things to us. What I am telling myself right now is that it is okay to miss out on activities, because they would not serve me.

It does not serve you to go where people do not want you. Where you are not respected. Where you are not loved.

It is easy to feel guilty. That’s when you remind yourself why you chose to step away in the first place.

Time and healing have a funny way of making us forget. When we choose to let go of harmful things, and we get to a happy place, sometimes we look back. We may feel guilty for letting certain relationships go. We may play the ‘what if’ game. We may even consider re-establishing these relationships.

I am still struggling with these items. I will be honest. Healing and emotional health is a journey. As much as we try to push forward, sometimes we regress. Some lessons we have to learn more than once before it sticks.

Unfortunately I am ten years deep into learning this lesson. I have given chance after chance and it’s insanity at this point. You know, the definition of insanity being: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?

It’s like that. You simply cannot be the only one changing, and trying and expecting a different result. If you are in a place where there is mutual respect, and mutual assurances to work towards a better space together, that is wonderful. But I am hoping that if you are like me, and you are constantly trying, and trying but you are getting nowhere. If you are constantly forgiving, and moving forward without an apology. If you are disrespected behind closed doors. If you are not getting the same level of treatment you give in return. Just know, you are not alone.

There are lots of us who can’t help put to put in 110% and not even get back half.

So, all of this to say: Its okay to let go. Its okay to put things on pause. Its okay to take a break.

Sometimes giving yourself permission to step away is all you need.

I hope this has been helpful, if not a bit rambly. Remember you are enough. Save your energy for people and things that bring positive value to your life. Let’s leave being stepped on in 2021.

Thanks for reading, see you next time.

xoxo – Taylor